We are down to the final countdown before my surgery — at this time next week the surgery will be finished. I am focused on preparing and being present. Yoga every day, keeping my energy clear, enjoying the next twenty meals :), soaking up the holidays, so many arrangements and appointments… I am fortunate be able to prepare this time around.
I am cautiously optimistic about the surgery but more that that I am sad about what it means. I’m not sure everyone understands the weight of this. We began this journey trying to become pregnant and after this surgery it will be too risky for me to do so.
More than anything — that is what breaks my heart. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to sit easy with this. Am I selfish for thinking I deserve a family over my health?
Right now it is one step at a time. I will proceed with strength and Grace.
My GFM is still up. Please consider sharing my story. Any and all contributions will be accepted with gratitude. I will *give back* 10% of all donations made to my GFM from today to the end of 2018 to UCSF.
I will forever be grateful for the life-saving, respectful care I received at UCSF. Donations help UCSF stay innovative and enables this state of the art hospital to meet urgent medical challenges.
And finally, this Danna Faulds’ poem.
"Let it Go
Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold:
the holding of plans or dreams or expectations – Let it all go. Save your strength to swim with the tide.
The choice to fight what is here before you now will only result in struggle, fear, and desperate attempts to flee from the very energy you long for.
Let go.
Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes through your days whether you received it gently or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders.
Take this on faith; the mind may never find the explanations that it seeks, but you will move forward nonetheless. Let go, and the wave’s crest will carry you to unknown shores, beyond your wildest dreams or destinations.
Let it all go and find the place of rest and peace, and certain transformation."
